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I need to vent here - so I do not take it to work.
First, I will not sugar coat shit! I will be honest with you. 9 out of 10 times, I will tell you in a polite and understanding manor. So put your fucking big girl panties on cause this is not going to be one of those times!
As a direct care staff - you are not allowed to buy the kids gifts or food. If I have told you several fucking times that you should not buy them anything. You should take head before your ass gets fired. I was only trying to look out for you. But now after you complain that I am harder on you than other direct carer staff...smh FUCK YOU!
Do you realize that it makes it harder for other staff to build rapport with the kids if you are basically bribing them to behave for you and to like you? Now they expect all staff to come out of pocket. That is not our job. They are not learning life lessons if you pay for good behaviors with food, candy, make up and/or toys. You are only enabling them!
As clinical practitioner, it is my job to inform you of company policies and how to deal with each individual kid. It is not to belittle you. I do not have anything against you. Yet, you want to complain and say I have an attitude towards you? Grow the fuck up and take your job seriously!
You are not there to be their friend. They need guidance, life skills, and medication and/or therapeutic treatment. 95% have mommies and daddies to go home to - we are not to interfere with how those parents raise their child...buying them things when their parents cannot is not helping those kids. You are going about it the wrong way. The 5% that have been removed from their parents...yes my heart goes out to them too - but you have to be even more careful with them. You have to be real with them, real and caring. Buying their approval is not the way to go...its fake and teaches them nothing about the real fucking world.
Maybe this isn't the job for you. It seems like you would be better off as a Foster Parent.
Today I have an interview with Enlightened Behavioral Health Systems for internship placement for the summer. I already have some hours accounted for and my job will change my schedule come May so to help make sure that I do not burn out. I hope the interview goes well.
I am often quiet. I pick battles. I stand by what I believe in. I advocate for those who cannot advocate for themselves. I may not always be right. But I hold myself accountable. I wish happiness, growth, and enlightenment, empowerment, and self-awareness for everyone. We do not have to agree. We do not have to like eachother, but I will respect you...who ever you are. But I am not weak. I am not a follower. I have my own mind, my own heart. I share myself with those I trust and love. If you break that trust, and burn that bridge...then it is on you (if you want) to fix it. I make mistakes, as we all do. Time does heal most wounds, and if I close the door just know that in time it just might open again. I make peace with my past, I move on. I learn from the events of each day and try to be a better person because of it. There is more to me than what is written among these VR pages....I am not what you think.
You deserve as much love and happiness as you can find in this world. Anyone that cares about you should want that for you.
Seasons Change
18:21 Mar 11 2017 Times Read: 674
“Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence.
Summer passes and one remembers one's exuberance.
Autumn passes and one remembers one's reverence.
Winter passes and one remembers one's perseverance.”
― Yoko Ono
“So I am not a broken heart.
I am not the weight I lost or miles or ran and I am not the way I slept on my doorstep under the bare sky in smell of tears and whiskey because my apartment was empty and if I were to be this empty I wanted something solid to sleep on. Like concrete.
I am not this year and I am not your fault.
I am muscles building cells, a little every day, because they broke that day,
but bones are stronger once they heal and I am smiling to the bus driver and replacing my groceries once a week and I am not sitting for hours in the shower anymore.
I am the way a life unfolds and bloom and seasons come and go and I am the way the spring always finds a way to turn even the coldest winter into a field of green and flowers and new life.
I am not your fault.”
― Charlotte Eriksson
“You will evolve past certain people. Let yourself.”
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass
I need a change. I need a gentle touch. I need that warm embrace. I need to snuggle. I need that one to be there even on my darkest days and not judge me. I need acceptance. I need that strong, steady hand to keep me on path. Don't let me go, but let me go. I am just coming out of my cocoon as a beautiful butterfly.
A perfect song comes to mind for a moment like this. Fleetwood macs landslide. As you grow and go on your path you are ever evolving .as you are turning into that beautiful butterfly we see yiu. We see those wings preparing to spread. As you take that journey i offer guidance.
-offers a hand-
My promise
How I feel lately...
06:04 Mar 09 2017 Times Read: 685
We all go through changes...life steps in and changes us.We grow up and become someone different. Hopefully we become someone better than we used to be. Some times I miss who I used to be. I was more reckless....more fun...just more. Now I am a boring nerd with kids and I have no live outside school and work.
LYRICS
It's not simple to say
That most days I don't recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them
It's not easy to know
I'm not anything like I used be, although it's true
I was never attention's sweet center
I still remember that girl
She's imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine
It's not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true
And now I've got you
And you're not what I asked for
If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew
Who'll be reckless, just enough
Who'll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she's bruised and gets used by a man who can't love
And then she'll get stuck
And be scared of the life that's inside her
Growing stronger each day 'til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That's been gone, but used to be mine
Used to be mine
She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
Its part of us growing older . I have to say from what you write and talk about you have acomplished a lot so far. A lot of people would kill to be where people like us are in life. Everything happens for a reason and its all a journey remember that. Journey never ends and I'm sure you are almost to were you want to be. Besides nothing wrong with being a nerd I am one too. Beautiful song rayne.
Dumb question...What happens when I get to my destination? I never thought twice about the changes to come or the changes that have happened. But as things draw nearer, it is becoming scary (just a bit).
Well once you get to your destination you can go two routes. First one be comfortable and just stay at that point which then you feel acomplished and don't want to persue more. Second route is you continue to grow and keep pushing yourself. Those are the two options that you would face. I myself went the second route as I feel when I become complacent means Im dead.
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